Are you scared of love? 

Many people struggle to find their soul mate. Many people are scared of commitment, many people are scared of not being good enough many people are scared of trusting others Many people have been hurt so badly they give up on the idea of love.But I ask you what dose love truly mean to you ? I’m not talking about those butterfly’s we get when our crush walks in the door I’m not talking about the sacrificies we make to please a loved one. Or the materialized possessions and jewels we Gift our significant  ones with. Or the I do’s on the wedding day No I’m talking about The kinda of love that the bible teaches us about. The kinda love that Jesus gave us when he died for our sins. I’m talking about the kinda of love when your first child is born an placed in your arms. You see the word LOVE  has been thrown around for thousands of years it has been trashed on, burned on and enjoyed and used like a broken record. I take the word love so serious that only my children and God hear it more then anyone. You see I gave myself to a man. A man of flesh an blood here on earth I gave him my all. My commitment,my loyalty my Body,my Heart, my life was dedicated to him and his happiness. I gave this man my trust, my most prized possessions. And you know what he did ? Failed me over & over & over again until the thought of suicide cross my mind. I actually considered harming myself over A man. A man who was lost himself a man who wasn’t capable of loving cause he didn’t love himself. A man who didnt know eternal love. So I carried on never trusting,caring for Love again. I told myself I was done I would never love again. At first i thought it was anger I was feeling then I realized it was Fear. Fear of being hurt again,fear of rejection because well after two kids and no real goal accomplishments and my body  I let go. I thought a man will never love me this way. I’ll stop for just a second if you think this story ends like a fairy tale an I meet my true love well your right so hang tight. I feared so many things about love that I isolated myself from any connections to men. I purposely allowed my figure to go .I let my hair go so that I wouldn’t be any attraction to a man.  I mean let’s face it I didnt pick them wisely. Anyways I feared so much I was sabotaging my mind my body and my soul. Until one day I wiped my tears away I shock my courage I stired my confidence. I dropped the self-pitty act. I stopped believeing that just because one or two even three bad relationships ruined my idea on true love.I wanted to find someone or something deeper then I ever felt before I wanted a love so pure so powerful that in words you couldn’t Speak. I wanted a love that could never weary me or bury me. I wanted the kind of love that just the feeling brings chills to your spine . so I knew as a kid I was always told if I lose myself if I feel like I can’t love myself no more. To dust off the old Bible and apply it to my self my Mind and my soul. I asked God to be my lord an savior for the third time in my life since the last two times I wasn’t nearly as serious as I am now. And you know what? Long story short but sweet, I found the love I was talking about I found the love that wakes you up in the morning I found the love that literally teaches you to love yourself . I found a love from A man who literally died for me. My soul my temple is being transformed into a new kick ass woman. A woman this time with the body of armor and a heart of gold. This time I have a eternal love leading me into the direction of a man. A man of flesh an blood that will be perfect for me. So you see dont be scared to love again dont be afraid to take chances on love. You should never give up trying to find the right love you need to replace that void that empty eko in your soul. Because you will find it. Maybe its not what you do got, But what you ain’t got ? I’m just saying it may not be for everyone but it will be for someone.

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